Wise people say that becoming aware of whatever is moving us within is a first step to growth or other types of change. Is this movement helping us to be more attentive to others, more loving, better human beings, or not? Being conscious of what’s going on inside us can help to catch tendencies either to turning our focus back on ourselves, or outward toward those around us. Believe it or not, it’s not always easy to tell, because our outward focus may be an attempt to have others notice us. See how good she/he is! or See how bad she/he is!
From our earliest moments, we want to be seen, noticed, recognized as special. It’s natural. Having others acknowledge us in some concrete way gives us a sense of connection and importance. This informs us that we exist. But, as we grow, this seeking attention might become a barrier to maturing.
With so many mass killings today, especially in the United States, the perpetrator too often has been a victim of bullying. Others have not been able to accept and value their differences. The message they receive is, “You are not like us. You are strange. You don’t belong.” “You don’t matter.” They come to such a desperate place inside, that knowing that they will almost certainly be killed is less important than having their name and photo on the front page of the newspaper. They will have finally done something that others cannot ignore. They will be recognized as having done something BIG.
The Sufi Masters, those desert mystics from the Islamic tradition, were said to have the ability to read a person’s character in that person’s face. What they saw in someone’s countenance was a person’s habitual way to attract attention, be valued, be seen as special –this is who I am. The problem is that this behavior didn’t flow from the person’s inner self, precious and embraced by God. It was an attempt to prove one’s goodness, worthiness, identity. Ego at work!
It can be a spiritual practice to stop, examine, and question what we are doing. Where is the impulse to do this coming from? God? Our desire to be recognized as good, right, important, noteworthy, outstanding, a someone? My personal favorite is knowledgeable.