Multiple times in the gospels Jesus tries to warn his disciples that, because of his unshakeable decision to follow Abba’s will no matter what, he’s on a collision course with the powers that be. This will result in arrest, humiliation, torture and death. For him, all this is crystal clear. Jesus knows history and can read the signs of the times. His disciples, like us, find this too difficult to consider, so they tend to ignore, change the subject, or even attempt to talk Jesus out of this trajectory for his life. After all he is God’s Anointed One! Often Jesus continues with a description of what this means, concretely, for his followers (us).
The Paschal Mystery: a faith-filled life, consequent suffering, death(s) (little and big) and being raised to fullness of life, is the pattern for the Christian way. Jesus teaches that if we want to be his disciples we need to deny ourself, take up our cross (Luke adds that this is to be our focus each day), and follow him. Jesus, and Jesus’ way of life, is our Way. But what this might mean is often so twisted out of shape that it becomes unrecognizable as having any connection with Jesus and his teaching.
The idea of denying ourself can be seen as a self-focused effort to root out any and all comfort or enjoyment from our life – like a competition with one’s self to prove how spiritually rigorous or pure one is – which is exactly opposite from what Jesus is calling us to. This leads to a hard, cold sense of superiority. Look at me, look at what I can do! Another variation of I-dolatry. It’s all about me, not Jesus, not love.
Another (healthier?) perspective on denying one’s self is to not feed my ego. To be so caught up in love (God, others, self) and gratitude that there is no time or energy left for self-assertion – trumpeting how great I am. Like it or not, I am not the center of the universe. My life (time, energy etc.), my gifts, my personality are at the service of something bigger than me, something outside of myself. This is what I was created for. This is how I become more fully alive.
Taking up one’s cross, too, can be distorted into looking for (or inventing) hardships and suffering so that one can appear properly burdened. We might be so intent on finding a cross heavy enough to drag along that we seek out and put up with all kinds of needless pain – not at all what God desires. We seem to prefer the crosses we make for ourselves over the one that comes to us through following Jesus’ lead.
Jesus did not go searching for the cross. It was brought to him by others, precisely because of the way he chose to live his life. The cross of Jesus comes as a consequence of his loving obedience of Abba. We don’t have to preoccupy ourselves with finding our cross. It will fall to us if we live as Jesus lived. Love inevitably entails pain and suffering. The one who loves shares the joys and the sorrows of those he/she loves. The one who loves will frequently be misunderstood, misjudged. We are called to love wholeheartedly and completely, and to accept the consequences of our loving. This is the cross we are to embrace.
Following Jesus is not about trying to act as if we are Jesus. We are not saviors of the world. We follow him by living with the same total conviction that he did, by choosing to love all those whose lives intersect with ours, no matter how they treat us. We follow Jesus by speaking the truth, strongly and kindly. We follow Jesus by becoming Good News, by embodying the Good News of God’s unconditional and universal Love. Jesus is the model for our living in the world today. He invites us to follow him.