Deuteronomy, the final book of the Law/Teachings attributed to Moses, looks back on the seminal history of God’s people, with the eyes of a different age. It takes the tradition and updates it to speak clearly to the children of Israel in their new circumstances, settled and gaining some prosperity in the land of Promise.   

Toward the end of the book (Deuteronomy 30:15-19) we hear the voice of Moses, sounding like an alarm bell from the past, to alert us to the vital possibilities or mortal pitfalls of our response to God’s Will. Our choices, as limited and conditioned as they are, are the key to fullness of life and true happiness, or to death, decay and dis-ease. Our way of life determines our destiny.

We can either choose to give preeminence to God in our life or to accept God as one of several reference points to guide our course. The idols of success, comfort, illusion, convenience, accomplishment and countless others, whisper to us in our sleep and woo us in our waking hours – powerful, seductive, seemingly irresistible. They are the atmosphere in which we wander through this world, manufactured to distract and claim us away from the One who desires what is truly good for us. Media, advertising, social expectations all meld their forces to capture our lives, our very souls.

The voice of Moses cries out like a trumpet calling us to put all our trust in God – to choose living in communion with others and with God over the slow, winding, but certain, path to death. We are to choose truth over all the beautiful, but ultimately empty, lies. We are to choose compassion over self-centeredness. 

Choose life, then, so that you and all those people you are interconnected with may live well.

In the Gospel according to Mark (Mark 10:32-44) Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem, on his way to his anticipated suffering and death, as he just reminded his disciples for the third time. Blatantly and cluelessly, the brothers, James and John, approach him with a request. They believe that Jesus is about to triumph, through the power of God, and want him to name them as his second and third in command in his certainly soon to be established kingdom. Nice that they don’t seem to care which of them is on his right and which is on his left – just so it’s the two of them.

Since Jesus’ disciples have been arguing, on a regular basis, about who among them is the greatest, this sets the other ten off. Who do those two usurping upstarts think they are! Jesus didn’t call them firstThey have no more right to positions of authority and prestige than any of the rest of us! Once again, Jesus tries to penetrate their ego-centric skulls with a very difficult lesson.

Previously, Jesus used a small child to model the attitude and behavior needed by those who would take on leadership in God’s coming Kingdom. As if that wasn’t shocking and unpleasant enough, now Jesus, referring to his own way of leading, uses the image of a servant/slave. Servants do have influence, but of a kind that stands in radical opposition to how the unbelieving wield what passes for authority among them.

These faithless bosses lord it over those they subject to their commands and their whims. They (in a phrase that captures this well) make their power over others felt. Everyone around them can feel how the world’s masters use and misuse any and every advantage, deception, alliance, imposition, coercion – every imaginable stratagem – to build and to radiate a pervasive sense of their indispensable importance and value. One can physically feel the weight of their presence and self-serving actions. It manifests itself as unyielding and oppressive. This type of power comes down crushingly on people from above.

Jesus clearly and unequivocally states that this is not to be so among his followers. They are to learn and to practice the leadership of the servant/slave. By faithfully accomplishing what is asked with all their knowledge and skill, by being carefully attentive to the needs of those they serve, by desiring what is truly good for those in their charge, by earning trust, by persuading through their genuine concern and astute observations – in all these ways they are building an unshakeable foundation through effective influence – from below. It is not important who gets the credit, the praise, the notice. It is enough that they are content to serve the building up of God’s Kingdom, and that the people they serve are well.

How did we get to this place where we have forgotten who we are, and who we were created to be? Action, movement, busy-ness, adrenaline, filling up large swaths of time with vigorous effort, expending frenzied energy – all these and more have become substitutes for living as human be-ings. I guess it beats the creeping sense of drifting emptiness that can haunt those moments when we dare to be quiet and still.

Life turns into a race with death to accomplish something that will stand out – good or evil – and most importantly, be noticed by as many people as possible. We like to have concrete output that we can point to: “Look what I did!” But what does it mean? Was anything advanced for the betterment of others? Were people lifted up out of their isolation or other types of misery? Then why are our engines running wide open, if we aren’t going anywhere?

When we feel fearful, stressed out, lost or powerless, we can easily slide into doing mode. This offers us the illusion that we have some measure of power or control or security. We don’t – but that seems too painful to admit and own. We are not gods, nor are we God.

Faith is the antidote. Trust that all is embraced by divine Love, no matter how things look or feel, allows us to be the amazing creatures we are meant to be. Just to be: present, attentive, discerning, caring in every minute. Resisting the pull of doubt and dread demands hard work and courage. This is how we can live as human beings. There is nothing more important.

Imagine you are in fine health and unexpectedly you are diagnosed with a life-threatening, unpredictable, aggressive disease. Equally aggressive and powerful medical intervention is needed to preserve some semblance of your life as you have known it. Of course you agree since you haven’t yet seriously considered how the fact of death fits into your agenda.

The treatment takes you to physical states you had never imagined to visit. One by one systems in your body falter or fail, overwhelmed by the prescribed remedy, to be restored or at least patched in place by heavy doses of other medications. Exhaustion becomes your new normal and a dense fog clogs your brain, making it hard to think or reason.

You’ve had a habit of prayer for years. Suddenly you cannot pray, try as you might. Your re-made body and your thick, drifting mind have become major distractions. You struggle to focus on anything other than all that is not working as it did for your whole life – until now. You feel yourself being dragged down. God, enveloped by the mental mists, feels distant or non-existent. 

How to pray when you can’t pray? Ignatius of Loyola has some very practical recommendations for when we enter into desolation – whatever its origins. Look back over your life, not in comparison with its present circumstances, remember and name as many of the countless blessings you have enjoyed (and are still present – though hidden) as you can. Try to feel what it felt like when God was there, particularly those unforgettable touches of grace. God is still here, now. God is faithful.

Act as though nothing between God and you has changed. From God’s side it hasn’t! You just aren’t able to see clearly in this moment. Do your part. Put time and effort into prayer and love for those around you, as before. Especially if you don’t feel like it. You have all the time in the world. Since you can’t do much else, wait for the day when the sunshine of grace will burn through the temporary fog. Even on the grayest, gloomiest days, the sun is still there, above the blankets of cloud. 

A huge assist comes from entrusting your current state of neediness to your community. Ask them to carry you, in your weakness, through this dark and difficult time. Their faith and prayer will sustain you, if you let them. You will be able to keep going because of their love crying out ceaselessly on your behalf.

Throughout life, and particularly as we age, there are, and will be plenty of occasions where our physical condition fails and weighs us down with it, rendering us dysfunctional. Good thing – life and prayer do not depend on how we are feeling. God’s love is the sole constant force in the physics of spirit, even in the dark.