When I was a younger man, in the seminary and after, I became fascinated with knowing about prayer, and how to pray. I sought out and read countless books – classics and more recent ones. The experience of moving closer to the divine spurred me on. I wanted to know what prayer is and how prayer works so that I might be able to pray “better.”
Certainly everything I read was not helpful to me. But there are a few gems that still seem true. Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk, author and spiritual explorer, when asked, “How should I pray?” answered, “Pray as you can. Don’t try to pray as you can’t” There is no formula for praying that fits every single person. We need to learn what way of praying fits our life, with its concrete circumstances, as it is today.
Too often we can read about prayer, or hear about a way of praying, that may be very beautiful for a monk or nun in a cloister or monastery. But if we try to practice it, we either give up praying because we can’t pray this way, we do damage to the way of living given us or to our health. Or we might end up with an awkward, clumsy, ill-fitting attempt at prayer – which is more about the how than about who we are trying to open ourselves and our life to. This is not prayer.
An example! When I left the seminary I had no idea where my life was going nor about what God desired of me then. My sister put me in touch with a good priest who advised me, “If you want to know God’s will for you, you need to spend a whole hour a day in prayer.” For years I twisted my life around, avoided plenty of opportunities that would have been good for me, and forced myself to carve out a block of an hour’s time to fulfill this invitation. I really did want to know God’s will, and this way of prayer was helping.
When I was led to join a L’Arche community, with its intense daily reality of shared living, the community’s leader clearly pointed out to me that my hour of prayer was a luxury in the face of the needs of our people and home. When I complained to my spiritual director about this, he said, “Love is more important than any style of prayer.” I let go of that way of praying.
There’s another bit of wisdom that came to me from one of those books on prayer. A priest wrote that when people in New York City, whose lives are extremely busy, come to him to explain why they can’t possibly pray, he asks them, “Do you have three minutes to yourself a day?” For him, three minutes in which you put aside all else and focus all your attention on God is the absolute minimum amount of time for prayer. Everyone can find three minutes for God.
Then there’s Meister Eckhart, the medieval, German Dominican mystic. One of his most famous quotes is, “If the only prayer you ever pray is “Thank You,” that is enough. Every day is a gift and filled with gifts. We have so much to be grateful for. It’s easy to say, “Thanks!” Pray as you can.