When I was a younger man, in the seminary and after, I became fascinated with knowing about prayer, and how to pray. I sought out and read countless books – classics and more recent ones. The experience of moving closer to the divine spurred me on. I wanted to know what prayer is and how prayer works so that I might be able to pray “better.”

Certainly everything I read was not helpful to me. But there are a few gems that still seem true. Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk, author and spiritual explorer, when asked, “How should I pray?” answered, “Pray as you can. Don’t try to pray as you can’t” There is no formula for praying that fits every single person. We need to learn what way of praying fits our life, with its concrete circumstances, as it is today.

Too often we can read about prayer, or hear about a way of praying, that may be very beautiful for a monk or nun in a cloister or monastery. But if we try to practice it, we either give up praying because we can’t pray this way, we do damage to the way of living given us or to our health. Or we might end up with an awkward, clumsy, ill-fitting attempt at prayer – which is more about the how than about who we are trying to open ourselves and our life to. This is not prayer.

An example! When I left the seminary I had no idea where my life was going nor about what God desired of me then. My sister put me in touch with a good priest who advised me, “If you want to know God’s will for you, you need to spend a whole hour a day in prayer.” For years I twisted my life around, avoided plenty of opportunities that would have been good for me, and forced myself to carve out a block of an hour’s time to fulfill this invitation. I really did want to know God’s will, and this way of prayer was helping.

When I was led to join a L’Arche community, with its intense daily reality of  shared living, the community’s leader clearly pointed out to me that my hour of prayer was a luxury in the face of the needs of our people and home. When I complained to my spiritual director about this, he said, “Love is more important than any style of prayer.” I let go of that way of praying.

There’s another bit of wisdom that came to me from one of those books on prayer. A priest wrote that when people in New York City, whose lives are extremely busy, come to him to explain why they can’t possibly pray, he asks them, “Do you have three minutes to yourself a day?” For him, three minutes in which you put aside all else and focus all your attention on God is the absolute minimum amount of time for prayer. Everyone can find three minutes for God.

Then there’s Meister Eckhart, the medieval, German Dominican mystic. One of his most famous quotes is, “If the only prayer you ever pray is “Thank You,” that is enough. Every day is a gift and filled with gifts. We have so much to be grateful for. It’s easy to say, “Thanks!” Pray as you can.

There was strong Jewish community in a town in Eastern Europe some centuries ago. The community was very independent and had all services necessary for its people to live somewhat comfortably, and in peace. The community had one shoemaker, a poor and simple man with a loving wife and children. This shoemaker was responsible to craft and to repair all the shoes among the people.

Of course, there was a rabbi, and there were a banker and a baker, farmers and merchants, a butcher, a bookseller, and a beggar… Some were wealthy, others had enough to get by. A handful of men had the resources and availability of time to join the rabbi every morning for prayer at the synagogue.

The shoemaker went to work very early and stayed late six days a week. On the Sabbath the shoemaker and his family enjoyed resting and remembering God’s faithfulness and goodness to their people. The shoemaker savored the Sabbath with time to relax and to feel God close to him and to his family.

But every other morning of the week, as the “important” men of the community went to synagogue, the shoemaker would look out the window from his bench, think of God, and sigh from the depths of his heart and soul – wishing he could join them in prayer. After many years of toil, his children having grown and started families of their own in nearby towns, the shoemaker died at his workbench. 

The shoemaker went straight to heaven, and there was summoned by the One Who Alone Truly Is to come near to an honored place. The shoemaker, a bit confused and not understanding at all what was happening dared to ask, “My Lord, is there some mistake? I have only lived the simplest of lives, with almost no time to even think of you.” God answered gently, “My son, six mornings a week you sighed your desire to be close to me with your whole being. Welcome.”

This story was given to me many years ago. It’s a favorite. 

This is another in a series of responses to requests from readers. It seems important to repeat myself (maybe multiple times), because certain concepts are crucial to living spiritually. Here it’s the fact that fear is the greatest obstacle and danger that we deal with as human beings. Fear, when we give in to it, can drag us away from God. But we are not helpless in the face of fear. God has given us tools to deflect fear’s fatal attraction.

Do not fear. Do not be afraid. Fear not! Different versions of this invitation from God are probably the most frequent sentiment expressed by God in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures. God knows how crippling and destructive fear is. God does not want us to be trapped in fear. Yes, we do, and will, feel fear. that’s not the problem. Life can be difficult and hazardous. The problem is how we choose to respond when we sense fear.

Fear wants to close us in on our self, to sow worry and doubt, to unhealthily question what our hearts know to be true. In the First Letter attributed to St. John (1 John 4:18) the author states, “There is no fear in love, but love that has come to maturity casts out fear.” What is mature love? Mature love is rooted in God’s love for us and for all. Love that is free to give and to receive mutually. Love that doesn’t expect anything in return. Love that knows deeply that all is gift. Fear cannot find access to our heart when God’s love is flowing through us. 

Though love is our best resource to counter fear, it’s not the only one. Love is one of what are known as the three theological virtues. The others are faith and hope. These three are not so much about “doing good acts,” but are special gifts from God that help us to keep our focus on God, and not on our fearful ego (what’s going to happen to me if…) so that we can live freely.

Faith is the inner certainty that God is God, that God is love, that God loves me so much that nothing can shake me – unless I give in to fear. Mature faith fills us with the conviction that, as St. Paul wrote to the early community at Rome, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31b). This is because God is for me, for us, for everyone. We know this to be true, not with our minds, but with our whole being.

Hope is living out of what we believe about God and God’s love – no matter what. Mature hope holds us unswayed by circumstances or apparent outcomes. We trust that God is with us, loving us, loving all, whatever happens. Each moment offers new possibilities since God is our companion. We choose to live fully,  lovingly, fearlessly.