Most of us who are actively engaged in living and growing as spiritual beings are sensitive to how our choices, words and actions may affect others. We don’t want to do anything that we imagine may cause pain or suffering to others or to our selves. Yet, are there occasions when choices that we make do, in fact, elicit hurt in people around us and can be painful for us – even though this isn’t our intention or desire?
Despite our illusions to the contrary, we do not have the power to live a life free of sorrow and suffering. Nor do we have the power to prevent those we care about from experiencing hurt. A life lived fully will and does involve hurt and hurting. When it’s our fault, we can, and need to, seek forgiveness. If we choose to love, we will and do suffer. Just ask Jesus about that.
If we tend to ignore the impact of our words and actions and behaviors on others, that is living without a conscience. If we are so focused on (and afraid of) what others may feel as a result of something we may choose or say or do, we will never live the one very own life God has given us to live. We are not free, which is what God desires. We will be living a lie.
But what could be more important than avoiding possibly hurtful words or acts? Love, and Truth, are! A sure test of love is to be able to speak the truth to those we say we love. If the bond between us is genuine, we will find a way to say what needs to be said – not as a hammer, but as a mirror in which both of us appear. When Jesus was scolding the religious leaders of his people about their incongruities, he did so out of the loving hope that they would see their mistakes and change for the better.
To act in this way requires courage – to recognize the possible consequences (positive and negative) of doing what needs to be done and going ahead. To act according to the truth flows out of an inner freedom. For many of us, we are not so brave.
In the long run, if we do not choose to speak the truth to those we care about, we are wrapping up that relationship in falsehood. No, it doesn’t feel good to say or do something that might be misunderstood and received as a slap. We need to be clear with ourselves that what we are about to say or do is right. Then, we need to say or do what is right and true no matter how it feels to us and how this might seem to the other. There are times when making the right choice, and acting on it, feels wrong, but we need to go ahead. Our integrity, and any further relationship with those impacted by it, depends on this.