This continues a series of reflections on topics suggested by readers. With the rise of the modern emphasis on the individual, community has become misunderstood and devalued. What is community? Why is community? How does community happen?

Community blends valuing the individual with our human need for belonging. It’s not either one or the other; it’s both. We all need people with whom we are able to feel “at home.” Unfortunately this doesn’t always occur within our families. In community we come together, not because we are required to, but because we want to. And we want to, due to the fact that here we feel like we are needed, that we are important, that we can help other people to feel good and happy about themselves. In community we, all of us, and our lives, make a positive difference. It’s simply good to be together.

Just by showing up, being together, and sharing who we are – which is at the heart of any community – life is better. We may do things together, but this is secondary to getting to know, and to care about, one another. We learn to do things with, not for one another. What we choose to do flows from who we are and what we discover we are called to do. Each and every member helps us in some way to decide how we will develop together. If our community meetings become stale or boring, there can be a number of causes.

The first place to look is our context. What is going on in our lives right now? Are things peaceful and stable, or is our life tense and uncertain? It is very difficult to be inspired or creative if our world is turned upside down. Another area to examine is our attitude toward one another and toward our community. Are we open to continually discover each other, or have we stopped at a place where we feel comfortable? We are all constantly changing. We are all brand new each moment. Do we treasure each other enough to seek more deeply what we do not yet know? Or, it could just be that we’ve found it easier to plan community events without getting input from all the members.

Community is about personal relationships. We grow in our knowledge of each other’s preferences and needs through spending time and interacting with one another. Personal relationships thrive on honesty and truthfulness in sharing – always in the context of love. We can say we love someone, but if we cannot be truthful with them, this is not love, but a superficial emotion – sentimentality. If we feel we must be truthful with someone, but we express this truth in an uncaring or unloving way, this is using truth as a weapon. In both cases hurt and harm come to people.

The secret is to learn, through practice, how to say what needs to be said in a way that is both honest and caring. When we love someone we can do this, even when it is not very easy to do. When mutual love is the basis for our interrelating our community becomes stronger, and a strong community can weather harsh storms. As with so much in life, it begins with love.

 

This is another in the series of responses to requests for reflection. Mark’s Gospel, the first gospel, and model for the other gospels, is primarily a theological document, as all four gospels are. Jesus is presented by the author of Mark as most fully human – demonstrating a wider range of emotions. And his disciples, including Peter, come across as clueless, no matter what Jesus says or does. The other synoptic authors of Matthew and Luke “clean up” Jesus’ image and go gentler on the disciples.

Having taken shape over the course of the first thirty to forty years of the primitive Christian community, the Gospel of Mark is an extended reflection on the passion and death of Jesus. In our human imagination we like to picture our heroes as conquering and triumphant, overcoming all obstacles and enemies. Jesus, dying on a Roman cross, is an utter failure. The haunting question that the early Christians tried to answer was, “How could this happen to God’s Anointed One?”

In the Tenth Chapter of Mark, Jesus and his closest followers are on the road to Jerusalem to proclaim the Good News of God’s Reign there, and to accept what will come of this. He has just announced to the twelve for the third time what was to be the most likely outcome for him considering the history of the prophets, the opposition of the religious and priestly establishment, and Rome’s rapid reactivity to any hint of uprising or rebellion. Punishment! Suffering! Death! Jesus knew how to read the signs of the times.

While Jesus is out in front of the group, the two Sons of Zebedee, James and John, come up to him privately to request: “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you?” That’s a very broad petition, “whatever we want you to do for us!”  He wants to know where they are coming from so he asks them, “What specifically do you want me to do for you?”

“Since you are going to be sitting on your glorious throne very soon, place one of us at your right and one at your left,” James and John respond. This translates to, “Make us your most trusted and honored and powerful lieutenants.” Jesus has just warned his disciples basically to be ready for him to be arrested, tortured and killed. Jesus responds to this clumsy and tone-deaf demand, perhaps with some sadness, “You don’t know what you are asking for. Can you possibly drink the cup I am about to drink, be baptized with the baptism in which I am about to baptized?”

The images of the cup and the baptism joined in this way are an example of Hebrew parallelism. They need to be understood as one reality, not as two separate ideas. Together they make a stronger emphasis. “I am about to be plunged into deep suffering, leading most certainly to my death. Is this what you’re ready and able to take on your selves?” Naively, the two brothers quickly and enthusiastically assure Jesus, “Of course we can!” But where are they when the Romans drag Jesus up Calvary Hill? Cowering behind locked doors out of fear for their lives.

Following Jesus, Christian discipleship, is not a stroll in the park. Being faithful to Jesus’ Way of love, as with all true love, involves difficulty and suffering. Being committed to service to others rather than to seeking recognition is not a popular route to take. There can be misunderstanding and ridicule. Maybe we won’t be as well thought of, wealthy or successful as we might have been if we had chosen a different path. We need to be careful to not be too quick with our “Yes” to Jesus’ invitation to follow him. Maybe it’s better to reply, “I’ll try to do the best I can.”

 

We who are enlightened Christians give a high place to love among the possible responses to almost any person or situation. We believe that Jesus came among us, called us to follow him, and gave all his life-energy out of love. He taught us that the very essence of God is love. Jesus commands us to “Love one another, as I have loved you.” Yet there seem to be countless times when love appears to fall short of what is truly needed. We sense that our love doesn’t change things, or make them better. This can feel paralyzing.

Love, in classic thought, is defined as desiring what is truly good for someone, and doing what one can to bring that good about. A wise person used to say, “If someone has a toothache, it does little good to say, ‘I hope you feel better soon,’ or ‘I’ll pray your tooth is healed.’ You can love that person a lot, but if you don’t do what you can to make sure they get to a good dentist, have you really helped them?” The question is, “What, concretely, do they need to be well, or free, or more fully alive?”

The parable in the Gospel of Luke known as the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) pictures a victim of assault and robbery on the busy highway between Jerusalem and Jericho – a “high-crime” area. Two professional clergy-types, good people, see the bleeding victim, and choose to pass on by without so much as a, “God bless you,” or “I’ll pray for you.” They have God’s business to attend to, and besides, coming in contact with blood would make them ritually unclean, not to mention that it might stain their holy robes.

Along comes a businessman, who happens to be a Samaritan (hated enemy of those who claimed to be true and faithful Israelites), who sees the wounded person, is filled with compassion, stops and cares for him. The Samaritan cleans and bandages the man’s wounds, puts him on his donkey, takes him to a nearby inn, spends the day treating him, and gives the innkeeper money to see to the stranger’s needs.

This is love. It doesn’t matter that the victim is unknown to the Samaritan. The Samaritan sees, acts, and stays with the other. He does what is needed, going above and beyond simple first-aid. Even though he had business elsewhere! 

There are innumerable situations and persons in need in our world today. No one can do all that is required to help or improve them. But this is not an excuse to do nothing. We can care, and pray, and do what little we can in our tiny corner of the planet. If we cry out to God to make things better, we need to be prepared for God to call us to do something (but not everything) ourselves. Love starts with seeing, and flows into action.

This is the second in a series of reflections based on requests from readers. Today it’s a question about living one’s faith. It seems to me that it could be helpful to begin by looking at how faith is described in the Bible. Hint: It’s not about believing in religious authorities, nor about believing (or even understanding) any teachings. Faith is always about God.

Abram and Sarai left their home, family, people, country, and gods out of some sense of invitation or call. This call, though they sensed it in their hearts, came to them from something or SomeOne outside of them. They didn’t invent it out of a desire for adventure, or for a change of scenery. There was an urgency to respond, to act, to follow this invitation – that their lives would be incomplete, or unfulfilled if they chose to not act on it. 

Why? The Bible indicates that Abram and Sarai left the security of what they had known up to that point in their life to go into the unknown because they trusted Whoever or whatever was drawing them in that direction. Trust is the first component of faith. Abram and Sarai were faithful.

We place our trust in what we sense, feel, or have experience of as being reliable. This could be a person or persons, our own intuition, or even a reality that is unknown, yet solid and compelling. Trust is not certainty. It always involves some risk. But whatever risk  is there seems worth it. Faith is primarily unconditional trust in the absolute reliability of God.

Of course, this trust does not and cannot guarantee that things will happen, or turn out, the way we would like them to. Trust implies that, whatever happens, there is opportunity that some good will come out of our response. Faith asks for our wholehearted “yes” to God. What we do, and how we do it, flows from this deep trust, especially in the face of the unknowable.

A second component of faith as depicted in the Bible is a growing and intimate relationship with God. Let’s look at Moses. Moses, according to the biblical narrative, had fled Egypt after killing an Egyptian. He married and tended the flocks of his father-in-law. One day he noticed a bush in the wilderness that seemed to be on fire, yet it wasn’t burning. Moses went to see what it was and God, a god Moses didn’t know, encountered him there, and called him to set his people free from their slavery.

Moses was reluctant and tried to talk God out of this mission. God insisted. When God insists, it’s better to go along with what God asks. Moses did lead the Hebrews out of Egypt and through the wilderness. Obviously he had the skills necessary to do this. God knew this. Over the years Moses had repeated encounters with God and their relationship deepened and grew. Through these personal meetings, Moses’s faith became stronger.

We can have, grow, and develop our relationship with God through spending time together regularly, listening and talking, in prayer. Through these personal conversations with God we can come to know what God’s desires are for us and for all creation. Out of this intimacy we can live and act more and more as God desires.

A third component is highlighted in the Gospel of John – believing is seeing. In English we have the saying seeing is believing. It’s as if we need to experience something with our senses before we can consider trusting. John’s Gospel turns this around. When we believe we see. But what do we see? Through growing trust in, and evolving intimacy with God, we can begin to see reality from God’s perspective – which is very different from ours. We can see God present with, in, and through our very humanity.

God’s perspective of all-inclusive love and compassion moves us to act only out of love and compassion. When we trust, come to know God through prayer, and see through God’s eyes more fully, our actions help to establish God’s Reign here on earth. Believe it!

 

 

My request for suggestions for possible reflections received several responses. Thank you. I will try to address these as I can. Here is the first.

One of the most radical and defining teachings of Jesus was found in the collection of sayings named the Quelle (German for source) document, referred to as Q. This saying was inserted in both the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. Obviously the writers of Matthew and Luke had access to this Q, and used the sayings they discovered there to help shape and express the particular theological emphasis of their respective gospels.

“Love your enemies” is placed in Matthew’s Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:43-45) and Luke’s Sermon on the Plain (Luke 6:27-28). The version in Matthew goes,”You have heard that it was taught, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Abba in heaven; for the Holy One makes the sun shine on the evil and on the good, and sends rain down on those who are just and on those who are unjust.”  

Matthew presents Jesus to his Jewish audience as the new Lawgiver – like Moses. So Jesus in this gospel, on his own authority, offers the fuller meaning of the Law, using the phrase, “you have heard it taught, but I say…” several times. Whom you were to love was to be restricted to those with whom you have a personal relationship: family, tribe, nation, friends and those who live nearby, if they were good. If they were labeled as sinners, you need not, and should not, love them. Jesus requires more.

Among the tribes of what we now call the Middle East it was accepted wisdom that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but the friend of my enemy is my enemy. They believed that this attitude would help to strengthen and to preserve the tribe. Have we grown much beyond this way of thinking?

In contrast, the Gospel of Matthew presents God as an equal-opportunity lover. One who shares the necessities for life – sun, rain – with everyone: friend, enemy, our tribe, their tribe, good, evil… This is the high bar set for us to reach.

The version in the Gospel of Luke goes like this: “But I say to you who are listening, ‘Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”  The first requirement here is that we listen, that we pay attention, that we take in and take to heart what Jesus says. Then we are invited to act like God does, doing good to those who hate us, blessing those who curse us, and praying for our abusers – anyone who doesn’t treat us well. 

We are not to repay hurt with hurt, offense with offense, hate with hate. If anyone harms us, we are to help them. If someone utters false and evil words about us, we are to find kind and good things to say to them and about them. If a person treats us in hurtful and damaging ways, we are to pray for all good for them. (Think of Jesus, on the cross, asking Abba to forgive those responsible for his cruel and unjust treatment.) The evil stops with us when we transform it into good rather than returning it, or escalating it against anyone. 

Who can do this? I can’t, and I don’t believe anyone can – without the infusion of God’s Holy Spirit. The grace is always there, but we need to go beyond our immediate reaction to run away or to fight back, to be paralyzed or to try to stop the attacks by defensively and insincerely flattering those causing us harm.

Jesus calls us to be imitators of our good God by making compassion, mercy, our response.  This compassion wells up in us when we step back and see the brokenness of the one who despises us and does bad things against us. They, too, are wounded, hurting, in deep need. And, they really do not know what they are doing, even if they (and we) think they do. When we are able to respond in these ways, enemies do not remain enemies. There will be no enemies – at least from our side…

We’re already more than a third of the way through the season of Lent. Today is the first day of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere. By the way, the word Lent, in English, comes from the Old English word for Spring – that time of year marked by the emerging of new life all around. This is a time of birth and rebirth, a season of growth, renewal, and with renewal a renewed energy of hope. Life goes on, despite all the best efforts of winter, and ours, to suppress it.

In the Christian tradition, there is evidence that the institution of a prolonged time of fasting and other practices to prepare believers for the great Feast of Easter began during the time of the apostles. In 325 AD, the Council of Nicaea established the 40 day period of fasting and penance, based on the great fasts described in the Bible of Elijah, Moses and Jesus, as the standard way for persons who were seeking to enter the Body of Christ through Baptism.

To become members of the Church these petitioners needed to prepare themselves, and the whole Church accompanied them in the penitential actions. Nowadays Lent is practiced, in some form, by all the mainline Christian churches. In the East it is referred to as the time of “bright sadness” – the necessary period of repentance in anticipation of the joyful celebration of Jesus’ Resurrection.

For those of us who follow the path through Lent year after year with the same practices and liturgical readings it can become routine. It can lose its savor for us. Lent is not about “beating ourselves up” because we’re sinners. It’s just a fact that we sin, that we act unlovingly, untruthfully, self-centeredly. Lent is an opportunity for us to fine-tune our life to be more in line with the Gospel. But this takes intentional action.

We need to discover and to choose practices that help us to counter those aspects of our life that are hindering us from being more fully the person God desires us to be. The Church maintains that prayer, fasting and acts of charity are surefire means to confront and to overcome our spiritual bad habits. But these can become just another part of background noise of our lives if we don’t take time to regularly remember why we’re doing them.

At Easter we are invited to recall, relive and to celebrate our own Baptism. We have been immersed, plunged into the mystery of Life beyond death. We have already sacramentally tasted and shared in the Resurrection of Jesus. It is God’s enduring love, embodied in Jesus, that impels us to desire and to act toward becoming our true selves. So, we engage ourselves each day of Lent in those practices that we have found actually help us to grow in this way.

 

This morning, in our Men’s Spirituality Group, the always evolving conversation came around to the Scripture readings for these first days of Lent. Both the prophet Isaiah and Jesus are railing against hypocrites and hypocrisy. This pushed me to do some study on the Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic terms used in the Bible that are translated as hypocrite.

One of the men, who enjoys exploring words, came up with the meaning for hypocrite as “actor.” Yes, and there’s more. It’s true that the Greek words upo (low, below, behind, beneath) and crites (interpret, judge, explain) combined to describe those who performed in classical Greek drama. Each character was represented by a huge mask.

The audience never sees the real person. Even if there were multiple characters in the play and only one actor, he would come on stage with the different masks, at the right moment, according to the script. He would deliver his lines from behind the mask. The actor on stage was always “two-faced” (his own beneath the mask’s).

We know the usual meaning of hypocrite – someone who says one thing, but does the opposite – contradicting their message and diluting the authority of their voice. Someone who pretends to be someone or something one is not – hiding one’s real self, covering his / her true identity, presenting themselves as a very different character. 

When Jesus was calling out the scribes and Pharisees as hypocrites he may have used a Greek, a Hebrew, or an Aramaic term. Any of the three is possible. Or, maybe Jesus used implications from all three??? The Hebrew word, chaneph, is strong = corrupt, soiled by sin (unclean), godless. The Aramaic combines two words that together mean “face-taker” (similar to the Greek sense) – one who isn’t what he / she seems.

Jesus accused these religious leaders of misleading the people through their pretense. They outwardly displayed righteousness (as in doing the right thing, putting on a show) while being, at heart, insincere and downright deceitful. They were more concerned with appearances than with genuine faith and obedience to God. They tended to wedge their reading of the Law between the people and God, putting the Law above the living God. They substituted external practice for having a personal relationship with God.

The irony is that the true meaning of righteousness in the Scriptures is to be in right relationship with God, others and self. It is very close to the biblical concept of justice, treating others as God treats us. Righteousness goes far beyond simply doing what looks right. It seems that Jesus could be inviting us to live out of our truest, deepest selves this Lent. This is how we can honor God.

 

 

 

How many people are essentially helpless and vulnerable?  These human beings cannot “make it on their own,” They can’t because they don’t have the basic capacity or skills necessary to even begin to navigate life in our world. If they don’t have others to care for them and to protect them, they can’t survive. These people are completely unable to produce anything tangible or to directly contribute to the economy of their village or country. To some, maybe to too many, they are useless, a burden, a waste of resources. Perhaps they are among those to whom Jesus referred when he spoke about the littlest and the least.

It is easy to question why they exist. What is their purpose? What could possibly be the meaning of their lives? Of what value are these totally dependent human beings? This is utilitarian thinking, not Gospel-thinking. 

In primitive societies, and in times of raw survival, these folks are near the top of the list to be eliminated – for the good of the others. Let them die, so we can live. They are too old, too frail, too broken, or too disabled to be of any practical good. We can’t waste our precious, limited, vital supplies on them. It’s sad, but we must let them go.  

Tragically, there have been times and places, even in recent history, in order to try to create a society of the strongest, the best, the brightest, anyone considered to be less than optimally human was disposed of. In modern parlance they were categorized as “losers.” This pigeonholing of people exalts some and tears others down. And losers, even those who get the silver medal, are worthless. This way of designating human beings offers a twisted rationale for dismissing, or directly or indirectly killing, those whom the “winners” label as such.

It is incomprehensible that some modern countries today, especially those that live with super-abundance, still think so primitively. They continue to see some people as less than human, and therefore not deserving of being treated with dignity, respect, or even basic care. As always, the true reason is fear. Fear of what? That there won’t be enough to go around? Absurd!

Fear that these “defective” creatures are truly human? But they’re different than us, so they can’t be like us. Having a “THEM” to fear is a great distraction from what really is the agenda behind it: Those with more, merit more. Those with less can do without. If they can’t, too bad.

The United States Congress is made up of people who have plenty in terms of comfort and financial security – all they need and much more. Yet the majority of its elected representatives, at the request of the administration, is looking for ways to legitimize cutting all kinds of funding that is meant to support and assist the most needy among us. They back up their civilized cruelty with tissue paper rationalizations. There is no thought about how their decisions are going to devastate human lives.

Pearl Buck, American writer and novelist, once said,  “The test of any civilization is in how it treats its most vulnerable.” Sadly, we continue (humanity continues) to fail this test. Jesus once said, “Whatever you do to the littlest and least you are doing to me.” Our response, too often, is, “So what?”

Tevye, the milkman, protagonist of the musical, The Fiddler on the Roof, reflects on tradition in song. Tradition is that which holds and binds together the lives of his little Jewish community in Tzarist Russia in the nineteenth century. Every aspect of their days and weeks is dictated by tradition. Yet, Tevye experiences the tension between the way they live, rooted in the past, not really understanding why it is this way, and the changes that are forcing the present upon them. 

The word tradition comes from the Latin verb traducere, which can be translated as to hand on, to deliver, to entrust. What do we hand on from generation to generation? Customs, practices, formulations of ideas?  It is easy to take traditions for granted, not think too much about them. 

In the Gospel of Mark (Mark 7:1-13) Jesus is having a heated discussion (argument) with some Pharisees and teachers of the Law – those who were entrusted with honoring the tradition handed down to them, they believed, from Moses. These guardians of the interpretation of God’s instructions to their people gathered around Jesus to see if he was faithfully keeping the traditions of the ancestors. They had their suspicions.

They noticed that some of the disciples of Jesus were eating without having washed their hands. (Many of the ancient traditions had to do with practical hygiene and avoiding food-borne illnesses.) This doesn’t necessarily mean that the disciples hadn’t washed their hands, but that they hadn’t washed in the way the teachers of the Law and the Pharisees thought was correct. The tradition was to wash your arms all the way up to your elbows. Since the disciples were doing this wrong, it must be that Jesus hadn’t taught them according to the practice of their forebears.

Jesus responds to this criticism by pointing out that these accusers constantly insert human rules into their interpretation of the Law of God. In fact, their rules often became more important than God’s commands. These authorities had a very intricate and comprehensive set of precepts, which they imposed on the people, to basically cover all aspects of life. Jesus was inviting them back to the Source from which all their detailed instructions supposedly had been derived. 

The teachers of the Law and the Pharisees were much more concerned with “doing it right,” to maintain ritual purity, than with God’s intent that people be well – to the point where it became impossible for ordinary folks to comply. Jesus reduced all the commandments to these essentials: love God, love neighbor, love yourself (Mark 12:29-31). And he extended the concept of neighbor to be radically inclusive – anyone in need. 

This argument between those entrusted with interpreting the Law and Jesus reminded me of a quote that has stayed with me for about 40 years. “Tradition is the living faith of the dead; traditionalism is the dead faith of the living.” I didn’t know, at that time, who had first said these words, but they resonate with truth.

Here is the rest of the quote:  “Tradition lives in conversation with the past, while remembering where we are and when we are and that it is we who have to decide. Traditionalism supposes that nothing should ever be done for the first time, so all that is needed to solve any problem is to arrive at the supposedly unanimous testimony of this homogenized tradition.” (Jaroslav Pelikan – American, Christian Theologian and Professor)

Much has been entrusted to us by those who have gone before us. Are we to carve these customs, ideas and ways of acting in gold and set them up, untouchable, on an altar? Isn’t that idolatry? To hold on to the past as if it can adequately help us to navigate our times is traditionalism – clinging to dead faith for dear life. We’ve always done it this way! It was good enough for them, so it’s all we need.

Life is constant change. The reality now is markedly different from the times of Moses, or Jesus, or any other previous religious authority. God has given us intelligence and the ability to choose. We are meant to use these gifts to discern what are God’s ways for us in the world today. Tradition, in its richest and fullest sense, requires that we respectfully take what we have been given and make it efficacious for our times.

 

Very early in the Gospel of John (John 1:38) Jesus asks this question of two disciples of John the Baptizer whom John directed to Jesus – the real deal. “What are you looking for?” It’s often used at the beginning of a directed retreat to help the retreatant to focus on what is it they really want from this time apart and in silence with God. The two disciples seemed to be surprised by Jesus’ turning around and directing this question to them. All they can come up with is, “Where are you staying (or abiding)?” Not very well thought out!

What Jesus was asking these followers certainly can be taken on several levels, and could be interpreted as “Why are you coming in this direction?” or “What do you want?” or, more likely with Jesus, “What are you most deeply seeking in your life?” Jesus has a tendency to push us and probe us and invite us to look at what’s really going on within us.

Life comes at us day by day, always moving, drawing us along, with little or no time to step back and consider what it’s all about. It’s as if the days fly by. There are, and will constantly be, pieces of reality clamoring for our attention and action. Are they all with the same urgency? Are they all of utmost importance? In the midst of the noise and busyness we cannot begin to sort anything out, prioritize, or just let some of it go. No wonder our life can feel overwhelming!

We don’t need a retreat to stop and hear Jesus asking us, “What is it that you truly are seeking?” We know the answer within ourselves. We want to be free and happy and fully alive. To make this our priority, in the midst of everything we have decided must be done now, demands courage and sacrifice. We need to let go of our illusions.

We don’t and can’t control anything. We can’t keep ourselves, or anyone else safe from all harm. We can’t guarantee that everything we want will come to be. All our efforts won’t make what we think should happen, in fact happen. It will ever be easy to slip back into our familiar, comfortable routines, because we cling to them, because we’ve convinced ourselves that this is the right way to live.

What are you looking for? Give yourself five minutes to step away from all you are caught up with. Look into your heart. What’s missing? Time just to be? Joy? A sense that you’re fine as you are? What have you deprived yourself of while you’ve distracted yourself with so much other than what you need?

No matter what response we give to Jesus, if we continue along his way, he will answer, “Come and See.” “Come away and you will see.” Go ahead. Give yourself this invaluable gift. It’s worth it.